Who Will Survive The GOP’s Implosion?

Donald Trump is not going to win the 2016 presidential election, and Republicans far and wide will pay the ultimate price for allowing a mentally unhinged xenophobe to hijack their party.

With poll numbers sinking and the list of incendiary comments growing, more Republicans are leaping off Trump Train and praying for a safe landing. These perspicacious patriots see derailment as inevitable. The only problem is that Trump Express is already traveling at fifty miles an hour. Grievous injuries will be unavoidable. Continue reading

Understanding the Specter of Climate Change

I was recently thumbing through Netflix when I happily stumbled upon (and proceeded to binge watch) a miniseries entitled, The Sixties, which chronicles the ups and downs of a tempestuous decade: from JFK’s assassination to Vietnam, from Civil Rights to Apollo 11.

I was particularly captivated by the Cuban Missile Crisis. The Sixties palpably communicates the sense of imminent apocalypse that prevailed during those gloomy days. In audio recordings of Kennedy cabinet meetings, pure panic is detectable in the trembling voices of America’s most powerful men. The notion of nuclear warfare had metastasized into a plausible outcome. For the first time in history, humankind teetered on the brink of extinction. Continue reading

Obama and Clinton to Establish Roman Style Consulship; Republican Leaders Prepare for Armageddon

According to a Washington insider who asked to remain anonymous, President Obama and presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton will soon announce their plan to retain the Oval Office in perpetuity.

In an unprecedented plan of action, Mrs. Clinton is expected to name the sitting president as her running mate for the upcoming general election.

These stunning revelations come after Mr. Obama’s recent endorsement of Mrs. Clinton for president. Continue reading

Trump University Lawsuits Dropped After Conclusive Video Proves Legitimacy

In a stunning reversal of opinion, the entirety of the American population has agreed to “stop talking about Trump University and get back to the issues.”

The two lawsuits filed against Trump University – one in California, the other in New York – were unceremoniously dropped just a few hours ago.

The plaintiffs – former Trump University students and New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman – have issued public statements, apologizing profusely for the unnecessary clamor raised on their behalf.

This series of events was set in motion this morning at 6:00 AM eastern time, when Mr. Trump released a short YouTube video, which undeniably exonerates Trump University of any and all wrongdoing: Continue reading

Trump Supporter Does ‘The Dab’

Donald Trump gave a speech last night in Janesville, Wisconsin. While the Republican frontrunner savored the occasion with his customary rodomontade, an adolescent attendee tried to steal the show with a cheeky ‘Dab’:

dabguy Continue reading